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By Keith, September 2, 2010 7:02 pm

This evening, as the outside air temperature was beginning to drop, I opened my bedroom window to let the breeze blow through and cool off my computers.  While re-watching season 1 of The Big Bang Theory, movement outside my window caught my attention.  To my dismay and mild discomfort, I saw two young men dressed in dress slacks, white short sleeve shirts, ties, and black backpacks.  They were just sort of loitering in my next door neighbor’s back yard.

As if the presence of what appeared to be two Mormon mental cases (offense intended) outside my window was not disturbing enough, I saw no sign of anyone else with them.  So they were just standing around observing things as if they were from another planet.  One of them picked up a fist sized stone that some higher power had piled around the base of a tree, looked at it very closely, no doubt trying to determine god’s purpose for it, before dropping it back on the pile.  Meanwhile, the other one was analyzing the bark on a nearby tree and apparently wondering why tree skin is rough to the touch, but human skin is not.

The whole time these two nut jobs were in the yard next door, I never saw anyone else with them, so why were they hanging out there?  Were they shirking their evangelical duties?  Didn’t they know that their omniscient god (who already knows who will and won’t have believed in her) can see them through leaves?

Whatever their reason for being there, they creeped me out a little.  Part of me feared that once they had their fill of god’s glorious creation, i.e. rocks and tree bark, they might ring my doorbell next.  Fortunately, they soon left to find more interesting inanimate objects to investigate elsewhere.  Weirdos!

Creepy Weirdos

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By Keith, August 17, 2010 6:58 pm

By now you’ve probably heard about the flight attendant who used profanity over the plane’s public address system, grabbed two beers, then exited the plane (and his job) via the emergency slide.  Some in the media, including NPR, have suggested that this guy is some sort of working class hero because of the romantic way in which he left his job.  I could not agree more.

A hero knows when to quit.  Just ask Sarah “I’m not quitting Alaska by quitting as Governor” Palin.  A hero rises to the challenge of adversity, defeats it, then walks/rides/flies/slides away into the sunset.  Workplace stress can be overwhelming at times, especially for heroes.   The fact that this “working class hero” grabbed two beers before “escaping” the stressful situation is probably a good sign that he has some other heroic problems that we are not privy to, so cut him some slack!

So what is it about this flight attendant’s quitting that makes him heroic?  Was it the profanity over the intercom?  Every great hero uses profanity.  Haven’t you seen Hancock?  Was it it that he grabbed a couple of brewskies on his way out?  If advertising has taught us anything it’s that alcoholism is always heroic as long as you drink responsibly.  All that remains is the dramatic way he exited the workplace.  If I could quit my job on an extremely stressful day, I too would want to pop open the emergency exit and slide on out of there.  Just think of how cool the explanation of why you left your previous job would sound in an interview, “I got in an argument with a customer, cursed at him on the PA in front of all of the other passengers, stole beer from the galley, popped the emergency door and rode the slide to freedom.”  Yeah, he’s a hero. </sarcasm>

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By Keith, June 23, 2010 10:49 am

These days, you cannot swing a dead cat on a social network without reading or seeing a picture of someone named Justin Bieber.  If I remember correctly, the first I had heard of him was on Reddit.com.  Someone had linked to a story of Mr. Bieber walking into a revolving door that failed to revolve.  Do you know who this Justin Bieber person is or why he is a celebrity (assuming that he is)?  I admit that although I have seen this kid’s picture all over the internet, I have never bothered to do a search to find out who is is or what he is famous for.  But for this blog post, research was necessary.

For accurate (albeit dry and bland) information of this type, I trust Wikipedia.  After all, I don’t care to know what drugs he’s doing, only who he is, where he is from, and maybe why he doesn’t seem to know that he doesn’t have to bush his hair all forward toward his face like that.   He seriously looks as though someone gave him a dozen swirlies, then blow-dried his hair to prove it.

Wikipedia says that this Bieber kid is a Canadian pop music singer with a YouTube channel and crowd control problems.  Basically he seems to be just another pre-fab boy-band wannabe for the indiscriminate teenie-boppers.  Now you know.